angst

vienna - picture from virtualsightseeing

it might seem a little stupid, but those last few days I realized that we will really move to copenhagen. but the feelings I get from this sort of late epiphany is mixed. suddenly a hundred things pop up in my mind that I haven't done during the past 6 years I've lived in vienna. I have never been to the Lichtenstein Museum although I've lived right next to it for 3 years, I've never been to the Prater, actually I've never really done anything "touristy" here. When I arrived 6 years ago, I immediately started with my studies, so there wasn' t really a lot of time to do things like that. except for going out to get to know people of course. :-)

that's actually another things that gives me the creeps: friendship. it took me so long to build a circle of good friends whom I can trust and who've really grown on me. and then, do you know how long it takes to befriend a viennese person????? it's almost impossible, they don't seem to care about making new friends. it took me years to befriend some of them and that my boyfriend is from vienna certainly helped, though I still got know people while going out and so on. I have the bad feeling that danish people are not so different concerning the friendship thing, I've heard they will have a good time with you, but to really make friends with them is very difficult. I mean, as I said, I'm used to it from Austria, but on the other hand it makes me sad to know that the first few years will be rather difficult and may involve the feeling of being a stranger without family ties in a foreign city. especially when now some of my friends are getting married and having children and I won't be there to take part. also my parents just moved to vienna, which was actually nice as well.

then there is the study thing. now that I'm almost finished with my bachelor I'm really afraid that I won't get into a msters' programm here in cph, I don't know if this is unrational, but I always panic when my future is not planned out, yet. all these horror scenarios about what I will do if I don't get to study and so on and so forth.. I know I should focus on the good things and that everything will eventually work out, but you know, my nature..

on the other hand, this time i am not starting out alone, I'll have paul and the doggy with me, which already makes it tremendously easier! and I'm sure that we'll get know some people in the beginning, maybe not danes, but other people who are new to the city. I'm really looking forward to cycle everywhere and to live close to the sea!
although paul may deny it, vienna is kind of morbid, especially in the winter, and often I felt really encased here by this gloomy atmosphere. there is a reason why freud lived here..
copenhagen may be dreary in the winter as well, but when I was there it still felt differently to vienna. people where still smiling at you and trying to make it "hyggelig" inside during the dark winter months, at least that's how we experienced it.

well, that leaves me to say "gute nacht" and tomorrow we'll be one day closer to spring! :-)